Thanksgiving is drawing nigh, which means it’s time for that annual family get-together where everyone gathers to catch up and reminisce over great food…and maybe even (probably) get on each other’s nerves a bit. Read this list and tell me these don’t sound familiar.
1. The Parrot
That one relative who always asks the same three questions. Every. Year.
1. “How is your job going? Tell me everything.”
Just great. Let’s talk for hours about the job I escaped from to come here.
2, “Are you in a relationship?”
*Downs entire glass of Pinot and pretends to hear mother calling*
3. “Where do you see yourself headed?”
To hell, now. That’s where.
2. The Sudden Teenager
Last year they were your cute little cousin/niece/nephew and now they’ve become a sullen and/or obnoxious teenager. They used to follow you around begging you to let you play with them and now they’re bringing back suppressed memories of torturous high school gym classes and dances. And they figured out where your mom hides the good booze. Which you’ll definitely miss when you run into…
3. The Overachiever
Married and PhD and twins and McMansion and Tesla and timeshare in the Bahamas and six-figure salary. At 27. Their family looks like a J. Crew magazine. All because they “visualized their success” and “found their true calling.” Good for you. I think the martinis are calling me, so kthxbye.
4. The Eternal Dreamer
Usually a cousin from across the country or something. They never really went anywhere after high school, but somehow always make things work. Last Thanksgiving they said they were doing “part-time ghost writing” in Philly and this year they’ve got a “super sweet” gig fixing up vintage bikes in Portland. Their confidence is never shaken, and no matter how much of a loser they actually are by real world standards, you still kinda wish you could be more like them. And spoiler alert: So does the Overachiever, deep down.
But just when you think you’ve had enough, you find…
5. The Rock
That one person, maybe a brother-in-law or cool aunt (or yes, maybe even your mom), who you might not talk to as much as you should the rest of the year, but at Thanksgiving they always have a seat saved for you away from the parrot and teenager of Satan, they know which of the appetizers are gross and which are delicious, and are there with that “I feel you” look.
What other types of people do you always run into at a family holiday dinner? Tell us in the comments below!
